Dollar Store Shakedown

Dollar Stores are kind of gross.

How do I know this? Because I shop there. The products are all dusty and the stores smell funny. I wonder: Do they come out of the cartons that way or have they been sitting around awhile? I don’t know. All I know is that when I leave, my hands feel really dirty. Also, what’s up with the smell? I don’t know what that smell is, but it’s not good. The best time to go to a Dollar Store is when you have a stuffy nose. All the Dollar Stores have the same smell. I can’t describe it, but it’s not good.

So, why do I shop there? Because everything is a dollar.

There are traps though. Dollar Store traps. I’m not proclaiming familiarity with all of the traps, but I am a fairly seasoned shopper so I have uncovered a few. Following is a list of the traps I have uncovered. It may not be worth much (probably only a dollar) but if I can save one person from getting caught in the net, my job is done.

Trap #1: Not all Dollar Stores are created equal. Some sell items that are over a dollar. Lame. These stores are Dollar Store imposters. Yes, they boast dusty products and they have the Dollar Store smell, but they also have many items that far exceed a dollar. It’s a trap. Know the deal when you go in, and give the store a dirty look on your way out.

Trap #2: How many times have you been to Target and spent over 100.00 only to ask yourself:  “What the hell? What did I buy?” It’s work to get out of that place for under a hundo. You might be one of the few that sticks to your list, but the majority of us leave with stuff we don’t need but it-was-on-sale-and-it’s-so-SO-cute-and-I-might-use-it-one-day-or-give-it-as-a-gift-or-whatever-I’m-buying-it. This can happen to the best of us and if you think it can’t happen in a Dollar Store, you’re mistaken. That $**t adds up. Fast. You didn’t come in for the multi-colored clothes line clips but you’ll be damned if you’re leaving without them! The fact that you don’t own a clothes line doesn’t matter, those awesome clothes line clips are only a dollar!

Trap #3: Pretend that the Dollar Store is a casino in Vegas. Everyone knows that the odds are against you “beating the house.” The odds are in the favor of the Dollar Store; it has a built-in advantage. Just by walking into the store, you’re at a loss because you can’t not buy something. You can, however, beat the Dollar Store at its own game. For example: If you see something that you need like a package of Ring Pops and each package has three pops in it, don’t jack yourself around, it’s a no brainer. GET THEM. Three in a pack. One pack for a dollar. You’re at .333 per Ring Pop. JACKPOT! Congratulations. You not not only beat the house, but you’re also a Ring Pop wearing bad ass.

Knowledge is power. I truly believe we can utilize these Dollar Stores and make them our b**tches. If you’re still not convinced, come back to brave the aisles with me once again in Part 2 of this RIVETING Dollar Store series.

Don’t forget to bring a couple bucks, some wet wipes and a stuffy nose, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

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