Know Your Worth

 

When it comes to committed relationships, there are two types of girls. (There are probably more, but for the point of this piece, there are two.)

First, there are the girls who make their guy better. These girls genuinely like the guy, and they see potential—sometimes from day one. From there the relationship grows and progresses, and some even make it to the alter! But that’s not the finish line. In fact, it’s the opposite: It is ON. You’re a team now so his potential is your potential. He needs to back you, but he also needs to be backed, and it’s up to you to help BUILD HIS SHIT UP.

The other type of girl is the kind who tears a man down. These girls chip and they chip and they chip until all that’s left is a fraction of the original man. It’s like he’s been neutered! (Gross.) Some of these girls don’t even know they’re doing it. They’re just doing their thing and the guy is either too scared, too lazy, or too tired to stop it. Some girls know though. The manipulative and deceiving and mean spirited ones—they KNOW.

Girls aren’t immune either. We need to watch ourselves too, because much like a girl’s capabilities, guys also have the power to break a girl’s spirit.

But only if she lets him.

Girls need to know their worth—that way they’ll know how much they’re willing to accept.

In other words: NO SETTLING.

NO.

NO.

NO.

Please. No.

I’ve had many friends in this position over the years, and I’ve been there myself. But my answers have always remained the same, no matter the argument or plea:

I’m closing in on my scary age!

I don’t care. It’s going to be twice as scary if you marry the wrong guy, go through a ton of horrible divorce crap, and then have to start all over again.

I’m not getting any younger and I want to have kids!

Still don’t care. If you want a kid, adopt a kid. You don’t need a spouse for that. You need help and money and patience and a bunch of other stuff, but you don’t need a spouse .

All of my friends are getting married!

GAG. Make more friends.

What if he never comes?

Then he’s not supposed to. Maybe you were meant for a different path? Maybe the marriage and/or family thing wasn’t meant for you? Maybe you’re supposed to use that spot for something else: a fulfilling career, world travel, volunteer work, community theater, lobbying efforts, medicine breakthroughs, cultural stuff—I don’t know. I just know everyone is meant for a different path, and some paths don’t include a life partner.

We need to be comfortable in our own skin. We need to be OK being alone. We need to be empowered by and satisfied with our lives. That way, if someone with potential happens to come along who is not only good for you, but to you—someone who builds you up and makes you your BEST self—someone you can grow old with while never losing who you are—you’ll be ready.

And that person will be totally worth it.

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Thanks for being here!

XO, The DS&D Crew

4 Comments

  1. terry roth on November 29, 2016 at 8:43 am

    I’m an old, happily married lady- but this was an excellent column- i like all the points you made!~
    I have enjoyed reading your blog for the last year.



    • Robyn on November 29, 2016 at 10:09 am

      You’re a BTDT. You probably have no idea what that is.
      BTDT stands for “Been there, done that.”
      When we were adopting F, I was very active with a website group for people adopting from China. On the site there was a BTDT section. I loved that section. They were the ones who had been there, they GOT it. They were already in the trenches, but they were still willing to help us.
      That site is now gone, and it’s too bad because it was a good site for a lot of people.
      We need the BTDT’s exactly like you here. Thank you for being here.
      XOXO R
      #ItTakesAVillage #BTDTruletheschool



  2. Deenie on November 30, 2016 at 10:56 am

    Such WONDERFUL advice to give to young (&old) girls!!!!!! I wish my parents had guided me in that direction. But, in their defense, 60+ years ago girls were brought up to be wives, mothers, teachers and maybe “stewardesses !!! We were not told we could go out on our own and conquer the world, to be empowered, to be alone -or even be comfortable in our own skin! Robyn– you are SO wise!!!!! I hope many mothers & fathers read what you have written & follow your lead !!!! XOXO Keep up the good work !



    • Robyn on November 30, 2016 at 11:25 am

      Deenie!! One of my favorite BTDT’s of all time! (Description of BTDT in the comment below.) Thank you for this. Things have certainly changed quite a bit over the years. We can totally still be all of the things you listed, I just think it’s important to “know your worth.” And I know your worth and I love that you’re here and still a part of DS&D after all of these years. Thank you for being here for us always! XOXOXO me