Fork in the Road

You’re having a bunch of family and friends over for a holiday dinner, is it better to get your carpet cleaned before the dinner (so it will look all nice and pretty), or should you wait until after since the percentage of someone spilling something is somewhere around 100 percent?

It was a fun night and you got home late. It’s way past bedtime for your little one. Normally you brush her teeth after she has a bottle because you’re supposed to. (Something about milk doing bad things to the teeth, I don’t know). She’s tired though and so are you. Do you skip the teeth for one night knowing they’re the dress rehearsal teeth, or do you power through and brush them?

You’re at the grocery store and one of the items you buy all the time is on sale. 10 for $10.00. Wow. That‘s pretty good, but who needs 10? 10 is a lot. It’s not like you won’t use them eventually, but 10? I don’t know…it’s a lot, but it is a good deal.

Emptying the dishwasher is such a pain. Is it better to clean the dishes and put them away as you go, or go the dishwasher route and put them all away at once? If you say “Oh, I would FOR SURE wait and do them all at once.” I’d like to know if you’re still saying that while you’re the one who’s stuck unloading.

Your kids likes gum. Is sugarless gum the way to go or do you give him gum with sugar? If he eats gum with sugar, his teeth will rot. If he eats sugarless gum, there are a lot of ingredients that start with “X.” His teeth will look really good but he might end up with a third eye.

You’re not in the mood to talk to the person who is calling you. In fact, you’re really not in the mood to talk to anyone. Do you let the messages pile up, or do you just answer so you don’t have to listen to all of your voice mails and then call everyone back later?

Halfway to the market you realize that you forgot your “Go Green” bags. Curses!! Do you risk the dirty looks and possible harm you’re going to cause the planet by choosing paper or plastic, or do you turn around, go back home and emit more gas and carbon dioxide into the atmosphere? (I think it’s carbon dioxide that comes out of cars. I’m not really sure. I just know it’s bad).

Your kid wears pull-ups during nap time and when she goes to sleep. She just fell asleep on the couch, but you weren‘t expecting it so she‘s not wearing any pull-ups. Do you chance it and hope for the best, or do you wake her ass up so you’re not stuck cleaning the pee pee?

Is it better to pick up after your kids as they make a mess or wait until the whole house is completely trashed and then just do it all at once?

You’re in the bathroom and after you are done, you happen to notice that you’re getting dangerously low on toilet paper. Of course there is more, but it‘s not within reach. Do you go get it and restock the bathroom, or do you risk it and wait for someone else in your family to hopefully take care of it?

Forget it. I can answer that one myself.

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