You’re Not Alone (III)

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

1. You decided to get scissors and physically cut stuff out of your kid’s hair because it’s just too sticky and too much of a pain in the a$$ to brush it out.

2. Sometimes you have to confer with a calendar to remember the last time you washed your hair.

3. Someone gets your kid a present, and then you put it away because your kid has enough crap, and then you bring it out one day when your kid is being really good and take all the credit.

4. When your kid says “Look at me! Look at me!” you sometimes reply “That’s great!” without even looking because you are busy and whatever they’re doing probably isn’t anything all that great.

5. You secretly hope that you win at Candyland even though you’re playing with kids.

6. You see the people who work at the market more than you see your friends.

7. You ate cake for breakfast and justified it by telling yourself that it’s OK because cake has eggs in it.

8. You are jealous of your little one who has no issue walking around with her belly hanging out.

9. You agree to accept the Facebook “friend requests” of your friends’ kids because your friend wants you to spy on them. You’re also not alone if you neglect to tell your friend that you are a worthless spy since you hid those kids from your Facebook feed because their status updates are kind of stupid.

10. You throw down a little “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” every now and then, even though you always swore that you never would.

11. You think it’s OK to leave your kids in the car, strapped in their car seats, while you run into a restaurant real quick to pick up carry-out. OK, that is really not OK–but it used to be, a long time ago, and it’s OK to sometimes wish that it still was.

7 Comments

  1. JMM on March 4, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Let's not forget that not only does cake for breakfast contain the incredible edible egg, but it can have milk in it as well. And, we can take it a step further: carrot cake. Carrots and cream cheese. I'm so down with cake for brekkie!



  2. Anonymous on March 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

    It's okay to say, "I'm the mom. That's Why." Love the blog!
    xo
    Robin from NY



  3. Wendy on March 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    I have to do the 'look at me' one quite a bit. It gets kind of annoying after a while. :oP



  4. Anonymous on March 5, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Fake purse NEVER okay!!!



  5. Anonymous on March 6, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Good G-D, girl…you are funny! I love the last one. I think, and it's really not ok, but ok.. to leave them in the car at the Dry Cleaners, too. No?

    How about if you just run down to the bus stop…to pick up your older kid, and the baby is asleep in the crib? Ok? LOL!!!

    JHW!

    I am loving your blog!



  6. Lori Stefanac (Lola) on March 6, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    I just found you through my dear friend Jen W. and I think you are hysterical!! So, is it okay to actually BUY the PRADA bag using your kid's college fund money? Is it okay to be a really sore loser when your kids legitimately win at board games? I'm talking about flipping the board and sending pieces flying everywhere. What's your opinion on cheating to beat your own kids at these same games? Not that I would ever sink so low (ahem). When do we draw the line and exactly when does it become "not at all okay"? Nevermind. I don't want to know. I figure I crossed that line long ago.

    By the way, is it okay to subscribe to your blog? I think I'll do that regardless 😉



  7. Elyse on March 8, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    you don't spy for my mom, do you? (I only ask because I'd hate to have those annoying status updates). No, I know it's because as soon as we met, we were best buds. I remember it well – we painted our nails on my cabin porch and had a heart to heart, which became a kind of tradition. Even though at the time, I was probably around 11, and you were just a teenager and "Cody's really cool girlfriend." (What's that? You weren't teenaged? But you still look so young and hot and fabulous, you MUST have been!) Anyway, I love catching up with the ladies via the blog and am definitely treating this as a kind of parenting manual (for some time in the far, far future) and it's witty and candid and very enjoyable. Miss you and your lovely family so so much. xoxo