You’re Not Alone (VI)

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

1. You love saying “Bless Your Heart” to people and you don’t live in the south.

2. You are convinced that Justin Bieber’s famous haircut is just a “bowl cut” with the bangs brushed to one side.

3. You don’t wash your jeans every time you wear them, or even every other time.

4. You never would have shaved today except that you have a gynecologist appt.

5. You are totally excited about “Crackle” nail polish and you’re not 20 years old. If you don’t know what “Crackle” nail polish is, don’t worry, by the time you find out, it will probably be out of style anyway.

6. You got bummed out that someone called you “Ma’am” because you still feel way too young be called “Ma’am”—or because you’re a guy.

5. The calculator you bought at the Dollar Store doesn’t work and you’re kind of pissed about it because actually it wasn’t 1.00, it was 1.49 and you contemplated spending that much at a Dollar Store but you really needed a new calculator so you caved and bought it, but it doesn’t work and you didn’t keep the receipt because who keeps their Dollar Store receipts? Are you really going to get in your car and return something that was 1.00 or even 1.49? No, you‘re not. So, you’re stuck with a calculator that doesn’t work, well it works a little— it does everything but divide— but who the hell wants a crippled calculator? Now you’re starting to wonder if the owners of the Dollar Store knew it didn’t work…? But no, they are not like that. You know this because when you got to the store, you had to go to the bathroom really bad and although the bathroom in a Dollar Store isn’t high on your “Bathrooms I Am Dying To Use” list, you really had to go, and on your way to the bathroom you saw a bunch of hand-made artwork on the wall that was made by the Dollar Store owner’s kids. Well, if the owners do stuff like that, they must be really nice people, right? For sure there is no way that they knew the calculator was bad when they sold it, but at this point you are over the calculator and have moved on to thinking that you might need medication because if you weren’t sure before, you’re 100% sure now that you are completely and utterly out of your freakin’ mind.

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14 Comments

  1. barrie on July 10, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Highly recommend a trip to the dollar store bathroom–you often pass items that have not been put out yet!!



    • Robyn on July 10, 2011 at 9:00 am

      So funny! Love it.



  2. sara on July 10, 2011 at 9:21 am

    i returned something at the dollar store once, it was a light-up toy for my son that wouldn’t work (even with batteries) in normal circumstances i would have never went back but my son was so upset. they replaced it, no receipt needed!



    • Robyn on July 10, 2011 at 10:19 am

      Can you take my calculator back? 🙂



  3. Hazel M. Wheeler on July 10, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Is the return trip to the dollar store for said $1.49 worth the price in gas, or worth the time in principle?



    • Robyn on July 10, 2011 at 2:33 pm

      For me, neither.



  4. Traci on July 10, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    I would totally keep the calculator and donate it to my children. The youngest doesn’t know what division is, but her brother taught her how to spell “Boobies” with it, so while it doesn’t have the complete functionality, it keeps my kids giggling for hours. Worth even $1.49.



    • Robyn on July 10, 2011 at 9:46 pm

      Great idea. I will show them how to do HELLO so it says HELLO BOOBIES!



  5. Liz on July 10, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    I don’t think I’ve ever been to a dollar store, we don’t have one in my town. They sound interesting!



    • Robyn on July 11, 2011 at 7:36 am

      I think you should take a Dollar Store vacation so you can go to one. I’m so curious where you live that there are no Dollar Stores. I thought they were everywhere! If you ever go, I need to know about it and I need to know everything you buy! 🙂



  6. "Julia" on July 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    “Well, bless your heart, darlin’!!

    Just finally catching up on these. Love this one. L& N loooooooove Justin “Beaver”….

    Love you, poopie!



    • Robyn on July 12, 2011 at 7:15 am

      I knew you’d like the “The Bless Your heart” one, Julia!!! XOXO



  7. Jeri on July 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Robyn,

    You do know that ‘Bless you Heart” is just the southern version of “Kiss My ****” don’t you? It’s an in the inflection of where you put the emphasis…”BLESS your Heart…..Bless YOUR heart… or Bless your HEART….lol

    It’s just a Southern curse with charm — lol

    jeri



    • Robyn on July 12, 2011 at 10:23 pm

      HAHAHAHAHA!! That is funny. Really funny. 🙂